I Am God’s Teddy Bear

An oldy but goody

Thou art the mover of all that move

And we are but Thy helpless toys

We move alone as Thou movest us

And speak as through us Thou speakest.

(Song: The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, p. 223)

When evening came, Sri Ramakrishna would always chant, among other things, “I am a machine. Thou (O God) are the operator.” He asked all of us to also chant this. So, although I don’t have this direct experience, I have a kind of faith in this idea and I do chant it. It is actually rather non-dualistic. The operator really does the whole thing. I am not a separate being.

The Vishnu worshipers in India (those who believe that God in His protective aspect incarnates over and over again as a savior) would say that one should have a particular relationship to God. They mention five different relationships: peaceful, servant, friend, parent and lover. This seems strange in the West where most worship God as father. However, the idea that I am a parent and God the child can be flipped. In fact in the beginning of his spiritual practice, Sri Ramakrishna worshiped God as Mother and, as a consequence of intense yearning, had Her vision. The seers of the Upanishads are considered to have had the peaceful relationship. The great monkey servant of Rama, Hannuman, is the greatest example of the servant relationship. Ram Das was devoted to this form. The cowherd pals of child Krishna exemplify the friendship relationship. The foster parents of Krishna exemplify the parental relationship. Some of this is also in the Roman Catholic Church with the worship of baby Jesus. And finally, the female cowherds of Krishna’s childhood held a romantic feeling toward him and considered him their lover. This relationship is also seen in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

They say that in those who follow the path of love, a particular relationship with God will develop naturally. Well, I’m on this path. With me, somehow, I have evolved a relationship quite different from those mentioned above. Inspired by the song at the top of this piece, I imagine myself to be God’s toy, perhaps a teddy bear. God loves His teddy bear. A young child plays with a doll or a stuffed animal and, in the vivid imagination of the child, this doll or animal is alive. The child and the toy animal have conversations. The child says something and the animal replies. Of course it is the child who impersonates the animal in making the reply but the child is not aware of that. The child is in a vivid spontaneous world of imagination. To the child the animal is speaking, and the child then replies to his animal friend. So in a way this relationship with an animal, particularly for a little boy, mimics the friendship relationship. A girl might have a doll that she considers to be her baby. Thus this would mimic the parental relationship. Although with Barbie dolls they are probably girlfriends, again the friendship relationship. As a teddy bear, God is my big, powerful, loving friend.

So, my talking to God, praying to Him, is really He pretending to be me talking to Himself, pretending to be separate from me, His beloved teddy bear. Every word out of “my” mouth or formed in my mind is His will, His grace. I am not aware that it is He who is the speaker, the thinker, because He has willed that I not yet be aware of this.

There are plenty of terrible difficulties. He has placed them there. It’s no fun if it’s all smooth sailing. Also, He appears to have willed that in this play we will gradually learn from these difficulties and mistakes.

He enjoys this pastime. I, His devotee, His teddy bear, also enjoy it. Ramakrishna says that God relishes the love of His devotee. He gobbles it down like a cow gobbling down fodder mixed with oil cake. For me, the teddy bear, this praying is, I trust, slowly bringing about a transformation within. Slowly, I’m hankering more and more for Him and no longer hankering so much for the opposite: sex, wealth, success, fame, human love. Of course, these changes are changes in His imagination. They have to be, since I am nothing but a figment of His imagination.

It brings back a memory of childhood when I spent a lot of time in vivid daydreams. I remember nothing of them now. I remember only that they were delicious. So, perhaps we can look upon the world as God’s vivid daydream.

For previous posts go to billdavisoframakrishna.substack.com